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Tuesday, 20 December 2005
A matter of what you're willing to put up with...
Mood:
 chatty
Now Playing: Happy Holidays from the 'Vamp
Every so often, the line-up on my library listing on the Spankavision site will change. It's not that I'm fickle; it's just that occasionally, you need to eliminate the deadwood (no pun intended) from your lineup. My rule of thumb is: if I haven't watched it more than once (and recently), it's either bound for the pawn shop, FYE (if it's on DVD), erased to be re-recorded with something I will watch, or depending on its condition, pitched into the trash. I have to consider that I have limited storage space in my place, new things keep popping up, old things that I have been looking for become more readily available, and I really get bored easily.
Some things that I eliminate just didn't hold up under my brand of scrutiny. I really looked forward to owning the Frank Langella version of "Dracula" until I watched it. One viewing was enough, thank you. It's not Langella's fault; everyone around him was as dry as good champagne, and not in a good way. Another one was the Lugosi "Dracula," which I still have the Philip Glass/Kronos Quartet version. I disposed of the original version because it didn't hold my interest the way the newer soundtrack did. "Dracula 2000" will probably come back into the line-up again, as I have a love/hate relationship with the picture. I will probably own it a few dozen times before I realize I should just keep the damn thing.
"Kindred the Embraced" was a let-down, especially after all the internet hype I read about it. It was just "Melrose Place" with fangs, after dark, without the swimming pool. Though I got a good deal on the VHS box set, I let it go without a second thought.
Sometimes you just have to clean out the closet...
Until January, Y'all...Merry Christmas.
Posted by spankavision
at 12:25 PM EST
Friday, 18 November 2005
Dracula With a Tan???
Mood:
 happy
Now Playing: "Love At First Bite" (1979)
Imagine George Hamilton as a vampire. Sure he's smooth, suave, and charming. He's good-looking, holding up remarkably in his sixties, and aging slowly is a key component in the vampire myth. However, he's missing one factor of vampirism that distinguishes him from the rest of the Lugosi-Oldman pack: he's tan.
And not just tan but TAN. Broiled. Scorched. Beyond spray tans, beyond QT, beyond tanning beds and beyond bronzer: The man is COOKED!
Aside from his lack of pallor, he was actually a good choice for the disco-era Dracula pic, "Love at First Bite". First, at the time, he was a still an acknowledged sex symbol in Hollywood, while Brad Pitt and Gary Oldman were still in elementary and high school, respectively; and Christopher Lee had done his decades-long tour of duty as the Hammer Dracula. Hamilton was just old enough, at almost forty when the movie filmed, to be a convincing aristocrat.
The story opens in the ruins of Dracula's castle, with his Renfield, played by Arte Johnson, waking his master. He brings Dracula some girly magazines, which Renfield claims as the ones Drac asked for. Dracula rifles through them: "Filth," he says, dropping it to the floor. "Pornography. Where are my fashion magazines?" Renfield turns over the magazine. Cindy Sondheim (Susan Saint James, before "Kate and Allie") is on the cover. Before he can decently get into this month's issue, there's a knock at the door.
The Communists are there, reading a seizure warrant that requires Dracula to vacate his castle so that it can be turned into a training gym for Olympic gymnasts. He is also told, "Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split!" So Renfield and Dracula pack a carriage and begin to leave, but villagers are waiting to make sure they are indeed leaving. (Oddly enough, though the communist party is obviously referenced, the villagers are dressed like it's still the Middle Ages...)
Renfield offers to carry Dracula out in his coffin, but Dracula refuses, striding through the angry crowd. One villager screams, "You bit my mother!" Dracula asks his name, then when he hears it (Alexei), he says, "No, Alexei. I bit your mother AND your grandmother." Which starts the crowd going again. Dracula gets the last word, though: "Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night."
Dracula flies as cargo in his coffin, while Renfield flies as a passenger. A man in a Volkswagon at LaGuardia gives them a ride to their hotel. (Imagine a wooden coffin poking out the sunroof of a Volkswagon beetle, going across the Brooklyn Bridge...) Cut to a funeral in Harlem. Sherman Helmsley (George Jefferson) is giving a spirited eulogy for a hard-partying, hard-drinking man. The coffin is closed. Just as Helmsley tells the congregation he has gotten the deceased's Cadillac, Dracula opens the coffin and greets the preacher. The whole place goes into chaos, with the preacher jumping out of the window. "Is this the Plaza?"
Earlier, you find out that Dracula was switched with another coffin.
Renfield finds out where Cindy will be shooting, and Dracula tries to visit her on-set as a dog. Animal Control takes him away, and the next day Dracula mentions that he had to pay $50 for a dog tag to be released.
Eventually, we figure out that Cindy isn't exactly a virginal potential bride: Indeed, Cindy is a Studio 54 stereotype, complete with bed-hopping. She is in therapy, and her therapist is her ex-boyfriend, who she seems intent with torturing with tales of her sexcapades and not paying him for her sessions. He keeps letting her off, saying she just needs more therapy.
When Dracula tracks Cindy down in a nightclub, he seduces her on the dance floor, then takes her home. Voila! Her long, frosted hair is a wig, and without her makeup, she's just an average girl. She brings Dracula a glass of champagne and a joint, telling him the weed is "good shit." Dracula tells her, "I do not drink...wine, and I do not smoke...shit." Cindy then tells him he needs a Perrier with a twist and a half a quualude. He leads her into her bedroom, while she explains that she doesn't expect anything from him, that she's not on the pill but that according to her Rhythm Method, she should be safe. He tells her that she's not saying anything they want to hear. When he bites her, she simply thinks it's just kinky sex.
Next day, Cindy goes to Jeffrey, her therapist. He's obviously very distraught that she's taken yet another lover, but when she displays her "hickey", he is obviously worried and wants to meet "Vladmir".
They meet in a restaurant where Jeffrey, who is Jewish and a descendent of Van Helsing, tries to use religious symbolism to stop Dracula: a STAR OF DAVID NECKLACE! (Hey, not everyone's Protestant!) Dracula tells Jeffrey to find himself a nice Jewish girl! Then, Jeffrey and Dracula try to hypnotize each other (rolls eyes).
Eventually Dracula gets the girl, but Jeffrey isn't left completely in the cold: As Cindy and Vladmir leave New York as bats, something is on the ground, a check. Jeffrey picks it up. "Look, a check. She paid me everything she owes me. She left me, but she learned something. She's a responsible person, or whatever."
If you remember anything from the Seventies, you'll find yourself going, "Oh yeah!" If you don't, you'll still have a good time.
Posted by spankavision
at 11:01 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:14 PM EST
Monday, 14 November 2005
I love Mel Brooks movies and this one is my least favorite...but I love it anyway
Mood:
 hungry
Now Playing: "Dracula, Dead and Loving It"
Okay, it's confusing.
I love it Mel Brooks movies, but this is my least favorite one. But I love vampire movies, and it is a vampire movie.
(sigh...)
Why, God?
It is a clash between Tod Browning's Bela Lugosi-helmed "Dracula" (1931) and the 1992 blockbuster, "Bram Stoker's 'Dracula,'" directed by Francis Ford Coppola.
You know the story: Renfield travels to Romania to meet Count Dracula to finalize the deal for Carfax Abbey. Only, Renfield is tossed in a stagecoach between two fat peasants. Once in the town he's "shheduled" to arrive, Renfield is shocked that the driver won't take him further. An old gypsy lady offers him a cross, rattling her voice box until she tires of his refusals. "Dammit! Take the cross!...that'll be five kopeks."
Renfield arrives to Castle Dracula, and the usual Bela Lugosi version continues. "Children of the night...what a mess they make," and Leslie Nielsen's Dracula tumbles down the stairs, having slipped into bat guano. They make a sight gag out of Nielsen walking through the spider web while Renfield gets trapped like a fly. whoo-hoo...
Of course the action does pick up. As Renfield retires, a couple of obviously-powdered (check their necks and shoulders for tan lines...) vampire brides come in and begin humping the furniture. Then they crawl into bed with a protesting Renfield, telling them it's "Wrong! Wrong, I tell you!...Wrong me! Wrong me! Wrong my brains out!" That's when Dracula walks in.
Dracula shoos them away to make Renfield his slave. They do the very-ethereal floating thing until Dracula tells them to stop. Then they tromp out.
Dracula and Renfield travel to England by boat (sight gag of coffin being thrown around the cargo hold, with Renfield trying to stop it...).
Ah, hell, you know the rest.
I have a love-hate relationship with this flick. It's absurdly stereotypical (English people have no sex drive, doctors are morbidly fascinated, rich people are spoiled...blah, blah..). It's also a little confused, veering from one parody ("Dracula") to another (the 1992 "Dracula"). All in all, if you told me to list my favorite Mel Brooks movie, I might say "Blazing Saddles" or "History of the World, Part One". But I have to give Mr. Brooks credit for giving it a try.
It's best watched with an open mind and a free afternoon...when nothing else is on!
Posted by spankavision
at 7:53 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:15 PM EST
Thursday, 10 November 2005
Chris Sarandon was a piece of A$$ back in the day...
Mood:
 caffeinated
Now Playing: "Fright Night"
Okay, Chris Sarandon hasn't had the success that ex-wife Susan Sarandon has, but just look at him.
Even now, in his impending middle age, he's still an attractive man. (See below.)
The former Mrs. Sarandon may have an Oscar and more movie roles, but she's still a character actress, after her salad days of "Rocky Horror Picture Show".
But I am supposed to be reviewing "Fright Night"!
Charlie Brewster (William Ragsdale) is trying to steal third after being stranded on second from his girlfriend, Amy. (As Amy is played by now-out lesbian Amanda Bearse, it's no small amount of amusement for me that Charlie can't seem to get anywhere with her.) However, she changes her tune after he snaps at her, then apologizes. Sadly, this approach actually works on some teenage girls!
But just as she's removing her top, Charlie looks outside and sees a very intricately carved coffin being carried into the up-to-now empty house next door. He tells Amy about it, with his back turned. She looks to a television on in the room, which is on an old vampire movie in which a coffin is being carried. She gets frustrated with him and leaves.
Next day, he finds out that he is failing Trig. (yawn...)
After being rejected by Amy, he goes home to notice a tall (TRANNY! RENT THE DVD AND PAUSE IT ON THE "GIRL"! "SHE" HAS AN ADAM'S APPLE!) woman in a mini-skirt walking to the neighbor's house. Charlie notices that she's attractive (most trannies are, or else they wouldn't bother going in drag)and also that she's got a very cheap-looking cocktail ring on. As she walks away, Charlie checks out her very narrow, tight rear end.
Later, Charlie notices that another woman is in the house, and that there is a man undressing her near an open window. Of course, Charlie peeks. Chris Sarandon slips the girl's top off, revealing pert nude breasts. Charlie's all hot and bothered until Chris Sarandon bares his fangs. Just then, Chris Sarandon looks at Charlie and reaches for the window blind. It's then that you see his hand has morphed into the tranny's hand, complete with cheap cocktail ring. Blind down; Charlie freaks.
The next day, his mother introduces Charlie to the new neighbor, Jerry Dandrige. It's the vampire he saw the night before. Charlie freaks.
The whole movie pretty much goes that way. Something happens; Charlie freaks.
The best scene, though, is in the dance club, when Jerry bespells and absconds with Amy. (See left.)
But doesn't it look good? He's standing behind her, holding her, looking like he's ready to give her the night of her life. What you don't see here is that Jerry very sensually grinds and strokes Amy while they are on the dance floor, one of the most (ok, only) sensual moments in the movie. (But, again amusing considering Amanda Bearse's public persona.) But no, Charlie has to get Roddy McDowell to help him rescue her. (yawn...)
Though William Ragsdale is an attractive man (look it up for yourself), he's just too "white bread" a hero for my tastes. It's a common theme for horror movies, particularly vampire flicks. Innocent, unsuspecting young girl is swept away from her boring and inept beau by a mysterious stranger who turns out to be the Prince of Darkness. I think it's why I loved another vampire movie, "Love at First Bite," starring George Hamilton. (a TAN Dracula???)
But I think I would have let Chris Sarandon, circa 1985, have his way and bite me. Just look at him.
Posted by spankavision
at 10:00 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:16 PM EST
Wednesday, 9 November 2005
In the end, it doesn't even matter...
Mood:
 spacey
Now Playing: The conclusion of "Dark Shadows" (1991)
Okay, here's the drill:
The '91 series has been seen. They basically condensed the 60's-70's series into a dozen or so episodes, including the first 1700's flashback.
The flashback is what I want to talk about.
When Angelique's (that was Josette's handmaid and Barnabas's first love, played by Lysette Anthony, pictured left) ghost starts trouble on Collinwood in "present" time, Maggie decides to hold a seance. Most folks are skeptical, but lo and behold, Victoria disappears into thin air.
She re-appears in the 1700's, still dressed as a 1990's girl. People comment on her funny clothes and her resemblence to Josette duPres, the woman engaged to Barnabas Collins. They take her in at Collinwood and appoint her (surprise!) as governess to Sarah Collins, Barnabas's younger sister. She takes to life at Collinwood well, but keeps rocking the boat with her predictions about their individual fates. She especially riles one woman who suspects her of being a witch.
Angelique, meanwhile, throws herself shamelessly at Barnabas, bringing up their romance in Martinique. Apparently, they were lovers, but as soon as Barnabas found out she was only a handmaiden, buh-bye Angelique. What he doesn't know is that Angelique is a witch who practices the black arts. (What the audience knows is that Joanna Going {Josette/Victoria} and Lysette Anthony {Angelique} have the worst French accents ever heard on any show, period.) Angelique comes to Barnabas's room and strips down to (gasp!) her petticoats, chemise, and bloomers! (Translation: a slip that reaches the floor, a camisole, and underpants that cover her waist to ankles.) Barnabas tells her to put her clothes back on, and Angelique tells him something along the lines of "it's not like you're going to get your virginity back." Barnabas throws her out and locks the door, cursing the day he ever shtupped the pretty blonde.
Angelique becomes the black magic woman, casting a spell to make Josette act like a huge slut towards Jeremiah (Adrian Paul), Barnabas's brother. She goes into her quarters, and in dreamy frame-within-a-frame sequences, makes clay dolls press together and causes Josette and Jeremiah to fall in love. After a couple of clandestine meetings, they run off and get married.
Barnabas runs in to the inn where they are staying and calls Josette a whore, after beating up Jeremiah. Jeremiah says he wants satisfaction. (Pardon me for being coarse, but that was what you were getting with Josette before Barnabas walked in!) They arrange a duel, pistols at dawn. The idea was to not put shells in the primitive firearms, but Angelique wants to alienate Barnabas from Josette, so she puts a bullet in B's gun. Barnabas shoots Jeremiah in the head, killing him.
In modern times, a woman resembling Angelique is picked up by police after she's found outside, dirty, skittish and nearly naked. The Collins family takes her in, but she's barely coherent. Barnabas recognizes her, but as she's not hurting anyone, leaves her be while she sleeps.
Angelique wants to really mess with Josette, so she brings Jeremiah back from the grave. A zombie-like Jeremiah, peeling and turning blue, lurches back to Collinwood, seeking Josette. He kidnaps his screaming widow and drags to her Widow's Hill. Barnabas stops them just before Jeremiah can throw Josette off the cliff, under Angelique's control. Josette is rescued and apologizes to Barnabas for the goings-on. Barnabas tells her there's nothing to forgive.
However, Angelique curses Barnabas and a bat flies in and bites Barnabas on the neck. Josette realizes what Barnabas is becoming and after escaping the family tomb, Barnabas comes out just in time to watch Josette fall off Widow's Hill, a suicide.
Victoria was arrested as a witch after the duel and is awaiting prosecution and a hanging. Though people speak up for her, it's no use: She's sentenced to die. But just as she's swinging from the gallows, her dress changes: It's Angelique!
In modern times, the woman in the bed begins to seize and convulse. The Collins family tries to help her, but stand stunned as she turns into Victoria. They are glad to see her, but when she sees Barnabas (having heard the town gossip about the vampire in Collinsport in the 1700's), Victoria's eyes get big and she rears back from him. The camera focuses on Barnabas's eyes and end scene!
What do I think?
Well, if they had taken the time to make the story more original, I might have said they need to stick with the formula. Since they used the formula, it was a faithful adaptation (except for Maggie and Roger's affair), but still something was lacking.
However, as a collector, I believe that I got a good bargain. Thanks to David W. Dietz III for the copies!
Posted by spankavision
at 8:18 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:16 PM EST
Friday, 4 November 2005
More from Dark Shadows' 1991 revival on NBC
Mood:
 accident prone
Now Playing: Dark Shadows 1991 mini-series
I feel the need to clarify some of the things I mentioned in my last post:
I realize that I probably contradicted myself in describing Ben Cross's portrayal of Barnabas Collins. What I meant is that he played the character "to the back of the theater," meaning that his gestures and vocal nuances were very exaggerated. He seems to be trying to use the technique of the stage for television, which almost never works very well. Even his British accent seems exaggerated, though Cross is BRITISH!
Jean Simmons also seems to be acting in a very staged manner, though she might have been going for the doyenne of a large estate, lonely and unaccustomed to the goings-on that occur in the mini-series.
Michael T. Weiss (Jerod from "The Pretender")seems a victim of the dated clothes and hairstyle, as he plays Joe, Daphne's boyfriend (or is it husband? it's never explained). He runs around in a feathered-to-death mullet and George Michael five-o-clock shadow, accessories with the tightest jeans they could find in Wardrobe. You can just imagine their wardrobe assistant stepping back from Weiss and saying, "There! Now you look cool!" His acting is actually understated, until the scene where they stake Daphne, which realistically portrays his horror and grief at losing his woman.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, as I mentioned before, seems born to play little David Collins. He conveys the malice meant to be shown by a child who wants revenge for his father taking his mother (she's institutionalized) and virtually ignoring him. He tries to chase off Victoria, but soon softens to her gentle attentiveness and belief in the ghosts and monsters that he sees. He's also great at playing creepy...that bouncing ball scene is still making my skin crawl.
Joanna Going is a good choice for a 90's Victoria Winters. Whereas Alexandra Moltke (now Isles) played her as a virgin with straight, pulled-back hair, Going plays her as maybe she's had a lover, maybe a college fling, but still basically very innocent. The loose, curly hair and romantic clothes (lace and embroidery) fit the character without making her into a stereotype (Michael T. Weiss...).
I do have a couple more questions:
*Why did they sex it all up? I realize that in the last part of the Twentieth Century, sex became more of the entertainment field, but just in the mini-series, you had sex scenes between Maggie and Roger (Ely Pouget and Roy Thinnes...and MAGGIE, who's supposed to be young enough to be Roger's daughter?)and bedroom scenes in which Joe is in Daphne's bed, with the inference that they might have been "walked in on?"
*Why is Ben Cross BARKING at Willie? In the original, Jonathan Frid would holler for John Karlen, but it was never so bad that you thought he was over-doing it. Ben Cross seems to be BARKING anytime he addresses Willie for anything but "hi, how are you?"
*Why does everyone automatically believe that there could be a vampire on Collinwood? Aside from a couple of token, "there's no such thing" statements, everyone went along with the explanation. Although Daphne came back and a few people saw her with fangs, it should have been explained away, medically, which is what might have happened in real life.
and...
*What happened to some of the story lines? Where's Jason Maguire? Where's Carolyn's REAL rebellious streak? Why is Laura, David's mother, being described as a witch and not a phoenix, as in the original series? Why is Roger such an agreeable guy? He was a heartless bastard in the original!
And that's my problem, I guess. I keep comparing it to the ORIGINAL. It really needs to be judged on its own merits. And I can't blame it on other people getting their hands on the show and ruining it, as Dan Curtis and Sam Hall, who developed the original, are on board for the 91 series,too.
I realized how silly I was being when my fiance, Tim, asked me, "Well, if you don't like it, why are we watching it?"
Good question, baby. Maybe, just like (all together now...) THE ORIGINAL, it's full of the little missteps and goofs that made it so lovable. It's the same as why a child will play with a dirty, smelly worn teddy bear instead of the pretty, new doll she said she wanted.
I guess...
They did a few things very right, though. They left in the a version of the original rolling tides and scary music for the opening credits. Collinwood does indeed look haunted. The attitudes and most of the dialogue is accurate for the time period. Though a couple of the actors eat the scenery with Ranch dip (meaning, they are over-acting very badly), most of the people are doing things exactly right. It's not bad, really.
I have just started the actual series part of the videos and Ben Cross seems to be laying off the John Houseman pronunciations, so I guess he was starting to get comfortable with the role.
I'll keep you posted...
Posted by spankavision
at 12:54 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:17 PM EST
Thursday, 3 November 2005
Scenery-eating like never before!!!
Mood:
 lazy
Now Playing: Dark Shadows' 1991 revival
OH. MY. GAWD.
I recently received a shipment of the 1991 Dark Shadows revival series, which aired on NBC. (The original 1967-71 series aired on ABC.) I never thought it would be this campy, and when I say campy, I mean that Rip Taylor should have walked in throwing confetti or Richard Simmons should have led the cast in "Sweatin' to the Moldies".
It is SO over the top! It's incredible that they managed to get any work done, because some things are played so straight, it comes off as unintentionally hilarious. For instance, in the 67-71 series John Karlen's Willie (later Lacey's husband in "Cagney and Lacey")was a little frightened puppy in the original DS, but Jim Fyfe plays Willie like a meth addict, shaking and smiling like he's trying to get a fix. Credit has to be given to the make-up artists who banged Fyfe up; he looks like he'd been in a car crash. Acting-wise, he's like a cell phone on vibrate; he looks like he's about to skid off of his own feet.
And Ben Cross! THIS GUY WAS IN "CHARIOTS OF FIRE"????
Oh, dear...the scenery chewing is incredible. He plays it like he's in the dinner theater production of "Dracula"--just trying to be heard over clinking dishes and chatting patrons. And I think he took acting lessons from the late great Robert Preston from his role as Toddy in "Victor/Victoria". If you haven't seen it, he's trying to teach Julie Andrews how to move as a man playing a woman. He tells her to make the movements grand, lots of shoulders, "remember, you're a drag queen!" Though Cross plays it quietly, everything else is pure community players' theater.
Seeing 60's scream queen Barbara Steele as Julia Hoffman was a welcome sight, until I realized that they were going to keep her in a tight French braid and huge 80's Sally Jesse glasses. Though she's not wearing the glasses in the photo, you'll see what I mean: 
It gets a little confusing about the people in the 91 series, compared to what I saw in the 67-71 series. For instance, who the hell is Daphne? Why is Maggie sleeping with Roger Collins? Why don't they let Michael T. Weiss shave? And why does Maggie's dad own a bar?
However, they did one thing perfectly right: Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
He's the creepiest kid since Damian in "The Omen". In the feature-length pilot, after his cousin (?) Daphne dies, he is seen bouncing a rubber ball against concrete steps on the estate singing, "If I catch the ball, Daphne isn't dead." Of course, he catches the ball.
Well, I guess it couldn't be as good as the original, but what is? I am a collector and I had to look in daylight with a flashlight for the series (without having to go to eBay hell for it...) and didn't give much money to get it (thanks to a video exchange...), so I'm pretty happy. There are some genuinely scary moments in it, and it's not all bad acting, but if the WB ever decides to follow-through on their DS series pilot (which may never see daylight), I hope they have a better actor than Ben Cross as Barnabas.
Posted by spankavision
at 9:04 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:17 PM EST
Friday, 28 October 2005
Spike sez, "There's no such things as vampires!"
Mood:
 rushed
Now Playing: Smallville
I caught the last fifteen minutes of "Smallville" last night after PROMISING myself I would tape the whole thing. I normally don't watch "Smallville," as I am not a Superman fan (*and it's beginning to seem like I'm the only non-fan on the planet...), Christopher Reeve (RIP) and Tom Welling not withstanding. However, this one was special: there were going to be VAMPIRES on the show! AND JAMES MARSTERS WAS COMING ON! Yippee!
I turned the channel just in time: "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS VAMPIRES." The line was spoken by James Marsters, as Professor Milton FIne/Brainiac.  OH MY GOD.
Well, after laughing my ass off at that little bit of irony (he did just get done playing the same vampire for five or six years!), I finished the program. Lana has enrolled at Metropolis University as a last-minute thing (which is weird; even at my tiny little community college, once you're past the first two days of the enrollment time, you're not getting in) and joined a sorority to find housing. Problem: thanks to a formula by LexCorp, the sisters are all fang-bearing, blood-sucking, creatures of the night. Lana is turned, then Chloe is bitten and Clark rescues her. He takes her to the hospital, where Professor Fine (Marsters) tells him to ask Lex about the formula. Clark goes to Lex, who demurs at first, but eventually gives up the antidote, which JUST HAPPENS to be lying around in a kryptonite-laden (two small spikes of it) lead-lined briefcase. Just then, as Clark is getting woozy, Lana jumps through Lex's window.
Um...why is Kristen Kreuk dressed like Jennifer Garner in (take your pick) "Daredevil," "Elektra," or "Alias"? You could even reach for "Xena, Warrior Princess," except there wasn't a barbarian cheerleader skirt. (eyes roll)
Anyways, she takes the weakened Clark to her sorority sisters after taking a long bite of Clark. Whatever super-juiced blood Clark has is making her do something interesting: shoot fire from her eyes. When the sorority sisters insist that they all have a taste of Clark, Lana stops them, saying she wants to turn him. When they tell her that it's a sorority, not a frat, the head valley girl vamp tries to push Lana, who goes skidding across the room. As she rounds to attack Lana, Lana uses her new firey-eyes skill to burn the chick to a crisp. She challenges the other girls, who back off. Just as Lana comes to turn Clark, Clark takes the antidote that he hid from Lana and gives it to her, jabbing it into her chest (a la "Pulp Fiction"). Voila! Lana is a vampire no more.
Later, she claims that she doesn't remember much, "bits 'n pieces". But then she claims that she remember feeling his strength. Uh-huh...
While it was interesting and it was funny to see it on "Smallville," I hope they don't make it a habit. I will, however, tape it when it re-runs.
And, oh yeah, Chloe gets a job at the Daily Planet...
Posted by spankavision
at 2:00 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:18 PM EST
Wednesday, 26 October 2005
Sam leaps into a coffin!
Mood:
lazy
Now Playing: Quantum Leap "Blood Moon"
I didn't get to see this episode until long after the show had been cancelled...this morning, actually. I was looking forward to it, having heard so much about it. With every other scenario having been explored, from Sam having a baby, being a rape victim, being a black man, being an orangutuan, etc., it was more than time for him to become a vampire.
They didn't start slowly, either: he wakes up in a coffin.
His dippy, Cockney bride, Alexandra, asks how he slept. The usual "oh, boy" comes here.
After the first commercial break, Sam climbs out of the coffin and when Al comes to visit him, Al freaks out. Al describes Corrington (the guy Sam leaped into) as:
Al: "Well you should see this guy, Corrington, Sam. He's a first-class flesh eater! He's got all the classic signs. He's got the pale complexion, the beady eyes, the...the lustful stare..."
Sam: "Al...you just described yourself."
Laugh riot!
Soap opera scenery-eater Ian Buchanan arrives with Deborah Maria "yes-my-dad-is-Roger" Moore as party guests...the only party guests. They all chit-chat about the ritual they are doing, but not letting on just what the ritual is. Sam is worried, but every time Al mentions the word "vampire," Sam freaks out and eventually sends Al packing. (BTW, when does Al ever sleep? Does he stay awake for Sam's leaps, or...oh, never mind...)
Alexandra fawns all over Sam, believing he'll make her a part of his life, but is never specific about what part that is. After Al comes back and fills Sam in that Alexandra is going to be murdered, Sam puts the kibosh on the ritual. Ian and Deborah pretend to leave graciously, proposing a toast, but slip mickeys into their (red, red) wine. Sam wakes up to find that he's tied up and Alexandra is gone. Deborah is going to bite him WITH FANGS! until the butler knocks her out and unties Sam. Before rescuing his bride (which most sane people would have done), Sam stops to check out the fangs. Sure enough, Deborah is wearing an appliance. Sam thinks he is home free.
Sam confronts Ian on the roof, where he has Alexandra tied up, and is ready to sacrifice her. Weirdly, lightning hits Ian and the show is over. Sam sends Alexandra back into the world, where she'll be safe from Corrington. Sam still doesn't believe he's a vampire...
...until he looks into a silver platter... surprise!
I liked it. It was funny and campy, with Al showing up with a cross and garlic around his neck to fend himself against Sam, and Sam just as insistent that he's not Nosferatu. I think that the show was okay, and on the whole, it's much like other episodes. The difference is not just the vampire plot, but in that it was the first episode since the pilot that Sam really didn't believe he was who he was. He struggled with it the whole episode. And isn't angst what vampires and "Quantum Leap" are all about?
Posted by spankavision
at 7:40 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:19 PM EST
Monday, 24 October 2005
"I was sad, I was starving...Why not Italian?" Here's why...
Mood:
 hug me
Now Playing: "Innocent Blood"
Oh. My. God.
What a confusion. Is it a vampire movie? Is it a mob movie? Is it a police drama? Is it a romance? Who the hell knows?
It's all a jumble as a young female vampire awakes in her laughably candle-lit (maybe a couple hundred tapers, around satin draperies...in Pittsburgh!)boudoir. She's depressed about God-knows-what (depressed vampires, that old chestnut...) and upon reading about mobster Sal the Shark, she decides to "Dine Italian". Problem is, she's interrupted mid-slurp and Sal turns into the undead. He isn't a "moral" vampire like our heroine (?) and uses his powers for evil instead of good. Zzzzz...
She turns to a police detective who initially doesn't believe her but comes around. They do the dance of potential love, only for her to decide that she's not worthy of him. Zzzzz...
There's a reason this boring mess is in the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart, children. It fails on all counts, whatever you bought it for. If you need boring confusion to smoke...whatever...to, then rent or buy "True Stories," starring David Byrne and John Goodman. It's occasionally entertaining, without the preachy lessons.
Posted by spankavision
at 4:51 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:21 PM EST
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