Monday, 13 March 2006

The Lazy Critic is back on the job, sort of...
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Shadow of the Vampire,
Topic: A Few Reviews
I was a little embarrassed that I hadn't been watching my vampire flicks lately. Flu or no flu, I had fallen down on the job. Not only that, but I had let the incubus of reality television take over my viewing habits. I won't ever give up on reality shows completely, but I have a mission in life: to keep you, the viewer, from making horrible video choices...so here we go...


Shadow of the Vampire, starring John "How fucking creepy am I?" Malkovich and Willem "Smarmiest Son-of-a-Bitch Ever" Dafoe. It's all about the making of the 1922 version of the vampire flick, Nosferatu. The fantasy here is that Malkovich's character has actually hired a real vampire to fill Count Orlock's shoes. It's a devil's bargain, with Malkovich continuing to film through murder and mayhem. It's a period piece, taking place in 1920's Germany and Romania, and has all of the decadence of the Roaring 20's mingled with the ancient hovels of the low countries in Eastern Europe. You'll love it if you're a big fan of Nosferatu, or of 20's period pieces.

You'll also love it if you're a fan of watching people take morphine and roll around on their beds with titties flopping and head spinning. Apparently, morphine was a popular drug in the 20's for the serious actress. Not for the kiddies.

Best line in the movie:
Murnau (Malkovich's character): "Why him, you monster?" (Referring to the cameraman, who Schreck just killed) "Why not...the script girl???"

Schreck: "The script girl?" (chuckles) "I'll eat her later..."


Another recent (re-)watch is a special from Bravo, "Creature Features," which aired last October. It was in sections, and the section I kept, "The Dead," was a study of death and the dead in cinema. This, of course, includes vampires. However, they are only paid a little lip service, as the special focuses on the dead in general.

I watched this one while waiting to wake my werewolf pet...er, Tim... for work one evening. (YES, the fiance is a night creature...) It's meant to give you the willies, from the jarring, squeaky clarinet music in the soundtrack to the images of the dead, the dying, and the undead. It included scenes from "Angel Heart", "What Dreams May Come", "Interview with the Vampire", "Nosferatu", and "Death Becomes Her". It's an okay way to kill an hour of your time, but if you're looking for vampires, you're better off watching something else. Grand total of vampire time: barely five minutes.

I'm discovering that I have missed quite a bit of programming. For instance, I was looking for television schedules on VH1, only to find that they'd had a program called "American Vampires," not to be confused with the allegedly-Carmen-Electra B-movie, which chronicled "real" vampires living in America. According to VH1.com, it's supposed to be about three particular people who have consented to allow VH1 to follow them for a couple of days, to see what they do when they're vampires, away from work. Though I have several news specials and TV documentaries on "real" vampires, as well as tons of books on the subject, it would have been interesting to see.

Speaking of news and real vampires...

MSNBC recently ran the story of the 1996 slayings of Ruth and Rick Wendorf of Eustis, Florida on its "Dark Heart, Iron Hand" series. Though I do not condone violence or murder, nor do I believe in doing so to "prove" your loyalty to a "vampire" (kids these days...), I believe I would have been remiss not to have included this in the reviews.



It must be mentioned that Rod Ferrell gets no screen time beyond his testimony in court, and his testimony to the police, both videotaped. Members of his "clan," Charity Kessee and Dana Cooper, both give interviews to MSNBC, as well as Heather Wendorf, the daughter of the murdered couple.

It also must be said that Heather Wendorf, who was only fifteen at the time of her parents' murders, gets amazing face time in this news special, considering how she got raked over the coals in the media, including a CourtTV special, "The Investigators: Dark Shadows". Heather had forced to face the grand jury twice, for them to decide whether she should stand trial as an accessory to murder. Both times, the grand jury found no evidence to support any prosecution. Yet, Rod Ferrell, as well as a detective who interviewed Heather Wendorf, says she should have stood trial too.

Now, this wouldn't have even been as sensational a story without the vampire angle. What started as a strange kid making trouble in Murray, Kentucky became a troubled teenager who found an identity in vampires, partially because he was a player of "Vampire: the Masquerade." The only problem was, Ferrell took it seriously, and it went from playing a RPG on Friday nights in a rec room somewhere to actually opening veins. In the special, a former member of Rod's clan walked the news crew around the woods where they used to meet and hang out, and to a "Vampire Hotel", which was a disused concrete building in those woods. (Note: the kid they interviewed who took the news crew around Rod's old haunts seems a little too anxious to seem in the loop of all of this. It does become annoying after a few minutes. If you see this broadcast, don't say I didn't warn you.)

All in all, I believe that MSNBC gave all the facts in as balanced a way as they could. It definitely makes Heather Wendorf look a little off-kilter, especially as she shows off her weird artwork and talks endlessly about her loneliness. I certainly could have done without true (?) crime author Aphrodite Jones sticking her nose in, as her only qualification is writing the book, "The Embrace: A True Vampire Story" about the murders. (She's also the half-wit who wrote the book about Teena Brandon, "All She Wanted," another sensationalistic piece of trash.) It does feel as though the viewer only gets half of the story, without interviewing Rod Ferrell, though his alleged penchant for lying might have mucked things up further.

Which leads me to...

"Vampire Clan," an independent movie allegedly told from the killers' point of view, follows the news reports and the crime blotters to re-enact the story of the Wendorf murders. The acting is stale, and if you have heard about the actual murders, you don't need this movie. The only thing that is an improvement is that the actors are prettier than the actual people involved. For instance "Charmed" actor Drew Fuller (pictured right) plays Rod Ferrell in the movie. Fuller makes you wonder why anyone followed the actual Rod Ferrell. A little trivia: Mimi Craven, ex-wife of Wes Craven, plays Ruth Wendorf. But, unless you don't already know about the murders, it's best to leave this straight-to-video, true-crime flick alone. It might be in the horror section of your video store, but two-to-one, it'll end up on Lifetime or CourtTV...eventually...

Posted by spankavision at 6:40 PM EST

Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:24 PM EDT

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