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Monday, 13 March 2006
The Lazy Critic is back on the job, sort of...
Mood:
 lazy
Now Playing: Shadow of the Vampire,
Topic: A Few Reviews
I was a little embarrassed that I hadn't been watching my vampire flicks lately. Flu or no flu, I had fallen down on the job. Not only that, but I had let the incubus of reality television take over my viewing habits. I won't ever give up on reality shows completely, but I have a mission in life: to keep you, the viewer, from making horrible video choices...so here we go...
Shadow of the Vampire, starring John "How fucking creepy am I?" Malkovich and Willem "Smarmiest Son-of-a-Bitch Ever" Dafoe. It's all about the making of the 1922 version of the vampire flick, Nosferatu. The fantasy here is that Malkovich's character has actually hired a real vampire to fill Count Orlock's shoes. It's a devil's bargain, with Malkovich continuing to film through murder and mayhem. It's a period piece, taking place in 1920's Germany and Romania, and has all of the decadence of the Roaring 20's mingled with the ancient hovels of the low countries in Eastern Europe. You'll love it if you're a big fan of Nosferatu, or of 20's period pieces.
You'll also love it if you're a fan of watching people take morphine and roll around on their beds with titties flopping and head spinning. Apparently, morphine was a popular drug in the 20's for the serious actress. Not for the kiddies.
Best line in the movie:
Murnau (Malkovich's character): "Why him, you monster?" (Referring to the cameraman, who Schreck just killed) "Why not...the script girl???"
Schreck: "The script girl?" (chuckles) "I'll eat her later..."
Another recent (re-)watch is a special from Bravo, "Creature Features," which aired last October. It was in sections, and the section I kept, "The Dead," was a study of death and the dead in cinema. This, of course, includes vampires. However, they are only paid a little lip service, as the special focuses on the dead in general.
I watched this one while waiting to wake my werewolf pet...er, Tim... for work one evening. (YES, the fiance is a night creature...) It's meant to give you the willies, from the jarring, squeaky clarinet music in the soundtrack to the images of the dead, the dying, and the undead. It included scenes from "Angel Heart", "What Dreams May Come", "Interview with the Vampire", "Nosferatu", and "Death Becomes Her". It's an okay way to kill an hour of your time, but if you're looking for vampires, you're better off watching something else. Grand total of vampire time: barely five minutes.
I'm discovering that I have missed quite a bit of programming. For instance, I was looking for television schedules on VH1, only to find that they'd had a program called "American Vampires," not to be confused with the allegedly-Carmen-Electra B-movie, which chronicled "real" vampires living in America. According to VH1.com, it's supposed to be about three particular people who have consented to allow VH1 to follow them for a couple of days, to see what they do when they're vampires, away from work. Though I have several news specials and TV documentaries on "real" vampires, as well as tons of books on the subject, it would have been interesting to see.
Speaking of news and real vampires...
MSNBC recently ran the story of the 1996 slayings of Ruth and Rick Wendorf of Eustis, Florida on its "Dark Heart, Iron Hand" series. Though I do not condone violence or murder, nor do I believe in doing so to "prove" your loyalty to a "vampire" (kids these days...), I believe I would have been remiss not to have included this in the reviews.
It must be mentioned that Rod Ferrell gets no screen time beyond his testimony in court, and his testimony to the police, both videotaped. Members of his "clan," Charity Kessee and Dana Cooper, both give interviews to MSNBC, as well as Heather Wendorf, the daughter of the murdered couple.
 It also must be said that Heather Wendorf, who was only fifteen at the time of her parents' murders, gets amazing face time in this news special, considering how she got raked over the coals in the media, including a CourtTV special, "The Investigators: Dark Shadows". Heather had forced to face the grand jury twice, for them to decide whether she should stand trial as an accessory to murder. Both times, the grand jury found no evidence to support any prosecution. Yet, Rod Ferrell, as well as a detective who interviewed Heather Wendorf, says she should have stood trial too.
Now, this wouldn't have even been as sensational a story without the vampire angle. What started as a strange kid making trouble in Murray, Kentucky became a troubled teenager who found an identity in vampires, partially because he was a player of "Vampire: the Masquerade." The only problem was, Ferrell took it seriously, and it went from playing a RPG on Friday nights in a rec room somewhere to actually opening veins. In the special, a former member of Rod's clan walked the news crew around the woods where they used to meet and hang out, and to a "Vampire Hotel", which was a disused concrete building in those woods. (Note: the kid they interviewed who took the news crew around Rod's old haunts seems a little too anxious to seem in the loop of all of this. It does become annoying after a few minutes. If you see this broadcast, don't say I didn't warn you.)
All in all, I believe that MSNBC gave all the facts in as balanced a way as they could. It definitely makes Heather Wendorf look a little off-kilter, especially as she shows off her weird artwork and talks endlessly about her loneliness. I certainly could have done without true (?) crime author Aphrodite Jones sticking her nose in, as her only qualification is writing the book, "The Embrace: A True Vampire Story" about the murders. (She's also the half-wit who wrote the book about Teena Brandon, "All She Wanted," another sensationalistic piece of trash.) It does feel as though the viewer only gets half of the story, without interviewing Rod Ferrell, though his alleged penchant for lying might have mucked things up further.
Which leads me to...
"Vampire Clan," an independent movie allegedly told from the killers' point of view, follows the news reports and the crime blotters to re-enact the story of the Wendorf murders. The acting is stale, and if you have heard about the actual murders, you don't need this movie. The only thing that is an improvement is that the actors are prettier than the actual people involved. For instance "Charmed" actor Drew Fuller (pictured right) plays Rod Ferrell in the movie. Fuller makes you wonder why anyone followed the actual Rod Ferrell. A little trivia: Mimi Craven, ex-wife of Wes Craven, plays Ruth Wendorf. But, unless you don't already know about the murders, it's best to leave this straight-to-video, true-crime flick alone. It might be in the horror section of your video store, but two-to-one, it'll end up on Lifetime or CourtTV...eventually...
Posted by spankavision
at 6:40 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:24 PM EDT
What a shitty movie....
Mood:
 chillin'
Now Playing: Modern Vampires (1999)
 The box art looked cool. The storyline, about a vampire going up against Count Dracula to make changes in how vampires exist in the world, seemed intriguing. Then, I put it on to watch.
It begins with a hooker, strolling the streets, looking for a trick. She finds an average-looking guy, in an average-looking car and decides to get into the car. She just looks straight ahead. The guy asks her why she didn't ask his name, and isn't she worried that he might be a cop. She sprouts fangs and says it doesn't matter. In spite of all of this, the guy doesn't get scared. In fact, all he says is that a condom is definitely in order. Then she jumps on him and drains him.
Meanwhile, a couple of guys bearing weapons come on the scene and try to catch her. She evades them handily and moves on. Huh?
This is just part of it.
Somehow, Samantha Jones from Sex and the City gets into the act. Only, now she has some odd Eastern European name and a really bad Bela Lugosi accent. However, she's still slutty and throws herself at men like they're the last lifeboat on the Titanic. At a museum, she hooks up with a dumpy dude who she trades insults with. Back in her apartment, it looks like she's about to do him, when Casper Van Dien shows up. She still acts like she wants to do the dumpy guy, then she eats him.
Meanwhile, there's an even-dumpier Van Helsing waiting at a hotel desk to get to Dracula, only the desk clerk will not tell him the room number...oh, who am I kidding, writing this review? I'll never get that time back, nor the money from buying the piece of shit. (Admittedly, it was only a dollar because it was in a VHS bin at a pawn shop, but still...)
Take my word for it, folks: Despite the "Matrix"/"Blade-" style cover art, it is neither. It's a really bad parody and they should have just said so to begin with, rather than trying to make it into something it's not.
Posted by spankavision
at 11:15 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:26 PM EDT
Thursday, 23 February 2006
Boy, that didn't take long!
Mood:
lazy
Now Playing: Just finished the Commercials and Ads page!
It's done!!!!!! The above .gif photo is from a Duracell ad. Hope you enjoy it!
Posted by spankavision
at 7:30 PM EST
Wednesday, 22 February 2006
Commercials!
Mood:
 hungry
Now Playing: Working on a new commercials page for Spankavision
It would be remiss of me to have a "complete" vampire entertainment site and then not include commercials and print ads. I've been doing a little research and found that a couple of people have already beaten me to the punch on this subject:
Vampire Ads by Krieger69
This is a really well done site, though there's not a lot of ads on it. I have also been going to www.x-entertainment.com/, and this guy is completely in love with Halloween, and pop culture in general. Some things are harder to find than others, though. I have been looking in daylight with a flashlight for a few:
* The Ritz Garlic Butter ad (Krieger69 has a still from it, but not the commercial)
* Reese's Peanut Butter Cup "How do you eat your Reese's?" ad, in which a vampire's fang marks appear in the cups.
* Coca-Cola vampire ad, which I've never seen, but again, on Krieger69, there's a still photo.
Some vendors are more than generous, such as Sketchers. They have all of their recent print ads on their website, so the vampire girl attacking the guy for his Sketchers sneakers has already been located. (My fiance gave me a copy of it, too.) See below.
Wish me luck. (*Does anyone actually look at this damn blog????)
Posted by spankavision
at 2:55 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:28 PM EDT
Tuesday, 21 February 2006
Mood:
 mischievious
Now Playing: M*A*S*H*-
I used to love M*A*S*H* and still try to catch the pre-1976, pre-Winchester, pre-B.J. Hunnicut, post-Radar episodes. (After they kill Henry Blake and ship out Trapper McIntyre, Frank Burns, and Radar O'Reilly, it becomes a preachy mess.) But, when I began Spankavision, I was not looking for vampire episodes in M*A*S*H*. It was only after I was looking at a couple of old videos on a cold day that I viewed a little vampire-laced gem called "Germ Warfare".
Hawkeye and Trapper are treating a North Korean P.O.W. (prisoner of war, for the idiots that might stumble 'cross this blog...)who is recuperating from surgery. Frank Burns thinks that the P.O.W. can survive (key word here: survive, as opposed to actually do well) on a prisoner transport to a P.O.W. hospital. Hawkeye objects, telling Frank that the P.O.W. is not going anywhere. Hawkeye is Chief Surgeon and a Captain, but Frank, a major, outranks him. So, Hawkeye goes to Colonel Blake, who vetoes the idea until Hawkeye volunteers his own cot for the prisoner, which leads to a funny little tidbit between Hawkeye and Frank:
Frank- "Isn't that the P.O.W.?"
Hawkeye- "Yes, he's in my C.O.T."
The P.O.W., who we learn is named Pi, requires more blood to recuperate, but is type B-. They are running low on that type, and have promised not to take anything for Pi that would take away from American casualties. Radar brings in a list of blood types for the entire camp, just as Frank comes in and enquires about Pi. Hawkeye and Trapper see that Frank's just the right type and plan to drain a pint from Frank.
During their little "trip to Transylvania," Hawkeye and Trapper make tons of vampire movie jokes. "In the morning, he will be one of my brides!" kids Hawkeye. "Not so loudly, my Count," replies Trapper.
They also comment that Frank can sleep through anything, joking that he gets plenty of practice while he's awake. They give the blood to Pi.
The next day, after Hawkeye gets shot down by the 70's-standard, shampoo model-type, beautiful Lt. Dish, Trapper relates to Hawkeye that Pi is having trouble keeping food down, is showing signs of jaundice and has a darkened stool. These are signs of hepatitis, and though the chances that Pi came in with the disease are high, they decide to see if they can get Frank discharged and try to test Frank. They still have a blood sample, but decide to back it up with a urine sample, which they obtain by getting lightweight Frank to sample some beers and then force him to pee in a bucket by boarding up the Officer's Latrine. They send the samples off to Seoul.
(Just an aside here, but in the 50's, where this whole series is supposed to be set, Hawkeye and Trapper seem to go through a lot of time and trouble for two allegedly brilliant surgeons to try and eliminate their nemesis, Frank. Not only that, but they ought to know that hepatitis doesn't develop in the matter of a day or two, a fact which they acknowledge in the episode. Finally, they seem to proceed anyway, in spite of the fact that they always seem to have the upper hand over Frank, regardless of the military justice he tries to give them. Why all of the convuluted stunts?)
Meanwhile, they have a couple of hours to try and keep Frank away from patients until they get results back. That's when Hawkeye and Trapper realize it's not just the patients, but Major "Hot Lips" Houlihan that they have to protect. Radar sends Frank to Henry's office, while Hawkeye sends Hot Lips to Post-Op.
They can't manage forever, however, and Frank is being scrubbed up by Hot Lips in Pre-Op. They tell Frank that he can't operate, explaining all the stuff (except the urine specimen) that they did, and Frank tries to go ahead. They handcuff Frank and Hot Lips together, and tie them up in a surgical gown. Radar shows up in the nick of time, with the results: Frank doesn't have hepatitis, but is anemic. Hawkeye jokes that Frank shouldn't have donated blood without properly preparing, calling him "selfless." Frank seems confused but pleased.
The end shows Hawkeye and Trapper checking up on Pi and Frank, who's now recuperating from anemia. Frank and Pi are, ironically, playing checkers. (Frank was a notorious bigot on the show; why's he "fraternizing with the enemy"?) Hawkeye presents Frank with a handful of daisies, then jokes that he's experimenting with a heart transplant and Frank's just the right type. Frank throws the daisies at Hawkeye; freeze frame. End scene.
I know, I know; this teeters just on the bubble of what is really a vampire "one-off", but it was appropriate, strictly speaking. They DID drain blood from Frank, in the middle of the night, using dialogue from vampire movies. They DID use the blood to prolong someone else's life. They did do all of this without the victim's...er, donor's...permission, much like any standard vampire movie. So, to me, it qualifies.
I know, it's not really a vampire episode. But, I count it. It's my site, y'know...
Posted by spankavision
at 12:24 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:30 PM EDT
Wednesday, 15 February 2006
A little Off-Topic, but I love Prince! 0(+>
Mood:
chillin'
Now Playing: Prince-
Topic: Prince, cool as any vamp
Black Sweat video
The above link is to the Purple Dawn website, and it has the new "Black Sweat" video, which I am absolutely MAD for. "Cooler than Freddie Jackson drinking a milkshake," as OutKast said in "So Fresh, So Clean", and 1000X sexier.  It's funny to see him smile, as poker-faced as he was for so long (except for the "Kiss" video), but he looks so beautiful. It's no wonder he's hit skins with some of the most beautiful women in the world: Carmen Electra, Kim Basinger, Mayte Garcia, Sheena Easton, and probably more that were better at keeping a secret...
Jesus, this man is sooo hot...Is it just me, or does he look younger than he did in 1984, when "Purple Rain" came out? You know, I have a VERY short list of singers who should act, and normally Prince is NOT on it (I loved him in "Purple Rain," but the rest...but I LOVE TO HEAR HIM SING). However, if there was a vampire movie in which he could be--and he doesn't even have to flash a fang--
hell, he doesn't even have to ACT, just allow someone to film him walking through a dark alley...
He has proven he doesn't age very much, the body is still in great shape, and he's limber as all hell, so why not him? Sure as hell would top some folks trying to pass themselves off as the immortal undead...
But the video...black and white, with many close-ups of his face, and a beautiful black lady dancing in different outfits: pvc catsuit, and a sequinned dress. She's freak-dancing him, all while he's just chillin' in a shiny suit. He's alternately getting hot 'n bothered, drinking from a tea cup, flirting with the camera, and singing. A lady DJ pops in once to mix the music, complete with a close-up of a vinyl copy of the "3121" album on the turntable.
The song is bass-heavy, and it reminds me of "Hot Thing" and "It" from "Sign o' the Times"; it also reminds me a little of "Let's Work," but it may be the sample of someone saying the word "work" all through the song.
Final analysis: if the rest of the album is this good, I may have to go pick it up in March.
Posted by spankavision
at 1:05 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:35 PM EDT
Tuesday, 14 February 2006
A Vampire Valentine, in a movie I thought I didn't like.
Mood:
 on fire
Now Playing: Underworld
 I rented "Underworld" when it first came out on video a few years ago, and immediately slagged it off as one of the worst vampire movies I had ever seen. It came on the heels of the one-two punch of the "Matrix" sequels and I thought it was more of the same. I mean, the wardrobe and the techno-nu-metal soundtrack was all familiar territory by then. Just because you throw Kate Beckinsale into the mix doesn't make it that much different.
This past Sunday, I got another chance to review the movie, as it was very cold outside and "Underworld" came on TBS. There was really nothing else of note on that afternoon, the kids were all enjoying a cartoon in the other room, and it was too cold to go out for anything, so I settled in.
As I re-watched it, I realized that it had some things going for it. For one, there was the unrequited love story between Beckinsale's Selene and Shane Brolly's Kraven, the vampire clan's leader. Brolly plays a complete bastard very well, and you can see him projecting his lust for Selene from miles away. His power-mad Kraven was completely believable, though you have to question his chauvanistic ways with Selene. Later, though, you understand.
As it turns out, the whole thing wasn't so much a "Matrix" remake as it was a "Romeo and Juliet" remake. There's Selene and Michael (Scott Speedman), with Brolly's Kraven as her actual intended. You could also count Lucian and Viktor's daughter as another Romeo and Juliet. Everyone's so hell-bent on keeping them all apart, it turns into a war.
While there's enough kick-ass action and special effects to keep the guys all happy, this could conceivably be a chick flick, with powerful women making both physical and political moves to keep the action going.
Happy Valentine's Day! 
Posted by spankavision
at 9:50 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:36 PM EDT
Thursday, 9 February 2006
Reminds me of rotisserie chicken...or BBQ ribs...
Mood:
hungry
Now Playing: Dracula II: Ascension
Imagine, if you will, a librarian sick at home from work, and she discovers that there's nothing on, save for Jerry Springer, and the 100th re-run of the Tyra Banks talk show (already?). Now, imagine that the librarian--me-- begins to flip channels and discovers there's "Dracula II: Ascension" on FX's midday movie. Yep, I watched it.
First of all, it's an interesting blend of C-list celebrities. There's Jason Scott Lee, from "Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story" as a vampire-slaying priest. Diane Neal, aka, the D.A. from "Law and Order: SVU," is a medical student who moonlights in a morgue. She's joined by Jason London, aka, the hick guy who made out with John Leguizamo in drag in "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar", who plays an ambulance driver... maybe I had better get into the story before I continue.
The credits open over a woman in a gauzy blue gown, billowing in the night winds as she runs, panicked. She's being chased by Father Uffizi (Lee), who is carrying the mother of all switchblade knives--it looks like a small scythe.
Uffizi traps her and her twin against a car and beheads the both of them. He walks away into the foggy Eastern European night. Meanwhile, in New Orleans, a scene from the end of "Dracula 2000" plays, with Dracula's body being hung over the side of a building, from a neon-lit crucifix. It's roasting in the morning sun.
After a brief scene in which a wheelchair-bound teacher lectures his medical class against playing God, the teacher Lowell(Craig Sheffer, best known as the Lea Thompson's asshole boyfriend in "Some Kind of Wonderful") his girlfriend, Elizabeth (Neal) and their friends Kenny (Khary Payton, who voices Cyborg on "Teen Titans"!) and Tanya (Baywatch's Brande Roderick)are having drinks in a bar. They are about to order another round when Elizabeth excuses herself: She needs to go to work!
She goes to work at the morgue and it's a slow day until Luke (Jason London) brings in a Rotisserie chicken-roasted body.
 Mmmmmmm...where's the cole slaw? They unzip the body bag, and because Elizabeth has a "midterm in 90 minutes"...after she just came from a bar!...she asks Luke to help her examine the body. (Um, if she's in med school, why isn't someone more qualified, like an actual M.E., examining the body?) They cut into the body and notice that the internal organs are white. Luke mentions that it looks like these organs have never seen blood. Elizabeth tries to ignore it, saying that sometimes organs turn white when a body is submerged in water. Luke reminds her that the body was found hanging from a cross. (Why isn't he more specific, perhaps saying it was hanging from a neon crucifix, about four stories up?) He thinks it's a vampire (which is pretty original, considering most movies immediately go for the "It couldn't possibly be" story), but Elizabeth isn't convinced. She uses her fingers and looks into the mouth, at the teeth. The canines are slightly larger than normal, but not all that big. Still, she says, "That's weird." Then, twelve minutes in, the boo factor kicks in: without warning, the fangs suddenly shoot out, poking Elizabeth in the finger. She rinses it with alcohol, but it's already a done deal: she's infected. Instead of getting shots or reporting to a superior, she and Lowell get the idea to examine the body themselves, with a little help from Kenny and Tanya.
What follows is a mish-mash of the plotlines from "Flatliners" and "Suicide Kings": They examine and do experiments to Dracula (Steven Billington, BBC star)in an abandoned aquatorium (similar to the circumstances in "Flatliners") while having him tied up in the middle of the room and fucking with him (like "Suicide Kings"). Finally, Dracula breaks free, and Elizabeth turns into Dracula's bride. Everyone dies, except for Luke, Elizabeth and Dracula. As Dracula III is already out, you knew he had to make it...
I have a few issues with "Dracula II". First of all, in "Dracula 2000, which was the basis for "II," the sequel, Dracula was played by Gerard Butler, a brunet Irishman. Observe: 
In this movie, Dracula is played by Steven Billington, as a blond.
See? Maybe it was supposed to be the reconstituted body's hair slowly working its way back to being, but all I can say is it was distracting.
And speaking of distracting...Jason Scott Lee as Uffizi, the priest, was really badly miscast. With a name like Uffizi, we're supposed to believe that he's Italian, when it's pretty obvious that he's not. Also, he finds himself shirtless in the opening of the movie, flexing everything in his well-toned body, just like in "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story", after killing the vampire brides.
Another thing that kind of took me out of the movie, is the fact that nearly every actor on screen is best known for a totally different type of role. Diane Neal is normally Casey Novak on L&O:SVU and L&O: Trial By Jury, so that was the first thing I noticed. Jason London was not only Bobby Lee in "To Wong Foo...," but he was also Randall "Pink" Floyd in "Dazed and Confused." I guess I might be a little obsessed, but when it's that obvious...
Finally, Steven Billington spends most of the movie as a rack of spareribs.  I mean, that doesn't allow for much character development. Dracula is supposed to be a mixture of sex and dread, and Billington does get one fantasy sequence with Neal in a bed. He also gets to do some killing, mostly by proxy of a couple of others he's made into vampires. But for the most part, he's an entree.
It does have its share of scares, and the plot follows "Dracula 2000" closely enough to rate as a sufficient sequel. It sometimes has plot devices big enough to put your arm through, and the casting of Lee still makes me scratch my head. But, it's still a good way to kill an afternoon...and a bag of popcorn, or some hot wings. Or, some pizza...
Told you I was hungry...
Posted by spankavision
at 4:57 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:38 PM EDT
Tuesday, 7 February 2006
Rating the Doc's: Vampire Documentaries
Mood:
lazy
Now Playing: Everything from A&E to The History Channel
Here's something different: documentaries!
I have quite a few in my personal collection and wanted to share a few reviews with you, in case you happen upon one in the video store, eBay, or on TV.
A&E
A&E Ancient Mysteries: Vampires- This one is actually pretty informative, using myths and legends from Eastern Europe. They get into legends from Dom Augustin Calumet, Arnold Paole, and go into the modern movie era. They even discuss the Catholic Church's involvement in hiring out vampire slayers. There's not much in the way of gore, except showing footage of corpses that have nearly turned to dust, and clips from Hammer horror movies. I give it a B+.
A&E The Unexplained: The Vampire Myth- Oh, what fresh hell...
This is one of the many about the "vampire underground", mostly focusing on nightclub vampires who dress like your average club kid, except with fangs. They interview a man who claims that he was drowned and came back to life when he was a child, then his family turned him into a vampire. There is some footage of him cutting and drinking from his lover/donor, but he's mostly full of shit. They also interview a couple who claim to receive messages from Vlad the Impaler. Horrid. I give this crap-bucket a D.
A&E Secret Life of the Vampire- They put this out on A&E this past Halloween, and it's pretty interesting, and the most up-to-date thing I have seen on the subject in quite a while. They almost completely veer away from the usual movie and folklore stories, and talk about the modern vampire underground that's not just about nightclubs. They interview Michele Belanger, author of "The Psychic Vampire Codex"; and Don Henrie, star of SciFi Channel's "Mad Mad House," and who is the poster boy du jour for all things vampiric.
There are some unintentionally funny things in this doc: Ever see the "Buffy vs. Dracula" episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," in which she asks Dracula if he's the real Dracula, and not a fan boy? You know, because she's met a lot of "pimply, overweight vampires who called themselves Lestat"? In this documentary, there is a fat (but not pimply) black man who calls himself Father Lestat! There is also the fact that once you take Don Henrie out of his vampire drag (white contact lenses, needle fangs), he looks like an average Asian dude (he is of Asian descent)with long hair. But, for the actual skinny on how people do the do, including fang fittings, this is a good show to watch. I give it an A-.
The History Channel
The Real Dracula (In Search of...)- The usual story of Vlad the Impaler, and his reign in Romania. Nothing particularly earth-shattering, but it's a good primer for those who like to keep up with the historical angle of the legend of Dracula. My score: B-.
Bloodlines: The Dracula Family Tree (Time Machine)- Boring. Zzzzzz... Radu Florescu and Company go to Romania and talk about how the Tsepes and Florescu families are linked. They look at headstones, castles and talk about folk stories. Only for those who are REALLY interested. Don't bother: F.
Other:
Dracula: Fact or Fiction: Extremely low-budget. A little boring, but then I have a short attention span.
AMC- Fang vs. Fiction: Pretty informative, with bonus information about werewolves and the Louisiana myths. I was disappointed, however, to realize that it was a marketing device for "Underworld: Evolution".
Bravo- 100 Scariest Movie Moments: Great way to "kill" an afternoon. Vampire listings include "Dracula" with Bela Lugosi and "Near Dark" with Bill Paxton.
Happy Watching, everyone!
Posted by spankavision
at 9:46 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 3 June 2007 11:42 PM EDT
Thursday, 2 February 2006
Spike TV Greenlights "Blade" series
Mood:
lazy
Now Playing: "Blade" series in June
I used to love Onyx, a one-hit-wonder rap group from the early nineties. Remember "Slam"? No?
Okay, let me try again:
"SLAM! duuh duuh duuh, duuh duuh duuh Let the boys be boys!
SLAM! duuh duuh duuh, duuh duuh duuh Let the boys be boys!
Well here's another one (WHAT!)
In the gutter one (WHAT!)
Getting running up
Troblesome extra double double I come to feed them
The feed em then I shreed em
So what if that I'm cheating.
And where's everyone when I sound(YA) gwan now (yeah)
I'm gonna show you how come on (ALL AND TOGETHER NOW!)
Yeaah, ohh yeaah!
YEAH!"
Still nothing? Okay, maybe you know his Onyx bandmate Fredro Starr, who was one of Brandy's boyfriends on "Moesha". No?
Okay, well, here's the skinny: Spike TV, best known as the network that has the UPW and the TNA Wrestling, along with Star Trek reruns and never-ending martial arts movie marathons, has now got a "Blade" series in the works. It's being produced by New Line Productions and debuts in June.
Posted by spankavision
at 7:46 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 March 2006 8:12 PM EST
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